alix_with_an_i

you know, this used to be my pen and paper

2005-01-16T15:25:12Z

tap tap tap here the echos from the forest. tap tap tap all the birds have something like a chorus. SAVE THE FOREST.
that was a song we had to sing. the director was cora scholtz. i was in the 7th or 8th grade. and i loathed her. why? because the only reason i can recall her name is because it was stamped on all of the shitty music we sang. all the music was her music. what gives!?
i went to bed at 9:45 last night. I grew tired of the sound of music. i mean. they told me to watch it because i am not being bitchy enough. but. fuck!? is that really that bad of a thing to not be a huge B. honestly now. but hey. what-ev. it's kewl. i just sounded like a trendy mo-fo. ewwie.
i said, "yucko" at the grocery store last night and two boys working there stopped and said, " yucko?" and then i said, " don't make fun." and then one boy repeated that saying.
i am full of sayings. so is everyone else. stop repeating mine. lordy!
i had a dance moves barbie and she was hott shit. you would bend her waist from side to side it her arms and waist attached with rubber bands on the inside of her, and her arms would move up and down. My cat look like an ancient beauty. as far as cats go anyway.
i am a naked baroness shraeder. for i have no costumes.
my neck really hurts. bad. ly. badly.
I sat on a couch that looked uncomfortable but was quite comfortable and had a really good conversation with a boy who once loathed me. though he dare not admit it now.
i have a feeling no one ever sees this one so i can write about whatever i ought to.
i feel not like a girl because... i have no girly crushes. i have no boy that makes me feel all silly inside. jesus. am i already becoming that old. and dormant.
i really do like the sciences.
this chris boy keeps writting me and there are more niceties than negative nancies but. the negative nancies stick out. kick me in the shin. and piss me off. i don't know what i am supposed to write back to him. it is like this fucking game. like. it is almost like we are faking ourselves, he moreso than me, at being these unstable intellectuals.
fuck.
i finally accomplished a very fake smile/sneer at someone a few days ago. it is true. i loathe the lead. and not because of any jealousy. she is just. she has the golden spoon. but she has 30 people carrying it... just incase she might get tired.
fuck bombs.
i really have to go blow my nose. yuck. i hate doing that. i told someone i had to go blow my nose and this sweet sweet girl had tissues in her pocket ( and fuck no i do not call them kleenex. that is a brand... not an item) so i took one and said ," well i have to find a corner where no one can see and barely hear. and then i was walking up the isle and the teacher spilled coffee all over a costume so i had to use my tissue for that. goddamn.
well.
ponies, unibrows, oscar, bert or ernie, stuffed animals, pinky, real, house, seventeen, beautiful, sex, posters, things that work when wished upon.

so like. yeah.

2004-07-27T18:04:08Z

There are only so many ways to say sorry. and i don't approve of any of them.

we are salt and pepper. jesus we are fucking ugly.

i hate tomatoes.

i just. don't feel. like sharing.

thank you, and have a splendid evening.

cooler. kewler. for surely. Kewler.

2004-07-21T05:45:31Z

www.xanga.com/the_unsuspecting_victim

dingadingadingalingadingaginadingadinga... the beginging to Maps

2004-07-20T17:11:58Z

So like. I think i don't really know what love is. I think i might have like. felt it 3 times. in 3 different ways that weren't referring to family or friend or whatever. I think love evolves and is even often time an illusion played off of your age. Each time it was something totally different. but totally unexplainable except to stamp it with the ol' "love" term. and it is classified. and in red.
today we took this poll to see if we were "Ultra Conservative, Conservative, Moderate, Liberal, or Ultra Liberal." i rocked it hard at being a few 'points' away from being an ultra liberal. After this little Qui ( the 'z' was cut off on the paper) was our break. the regular 5 of us stayed and talked about which choices we had made on each question. when we got to the 'environmental vs. business' question everyone began to laugh. except me. i said WHAT! and my face was in shock. i took this seriously. the question was. " This Summer, two rare species of birds chose to nest along a New York beach heavily trafficked by restaurant diners. What should be done?" The Choices were as follows. "1. Keep business open and let the conservationists relocate the birds to another spot. 2. Fence off some areas of the strip for birds and others for human traffic. 3. Block off the area to people and compensate the restaurants for their loss of business." The only reason i didn't pick "3." is because that whole compensate shit. and i try to have a little give or bend for a compromised decision. but i did not take this as any joke. they are part of the food chain. Dammit.
i am not sure how i feel about looking. i just. don't want to look. or be subjected to such.
right about now i can remember just giggling about things and being way happy. i still am way happy with just the thought. i miss him. and it is near perfect.
the glove compartment isn't accurately named.
you know you know it.

vomitated

2004-07-09T19:47:08Z

i threw up when i said 'dear'.

driving to places where all is unseen i think i just wanted a hot dog. as well as the cherry vanilla ice cream flavoured mike and ike's.

i argued passionately about homosexual rights, including marriage. it's not like i had another chance to do that. so i was passionate.

i miss you.

my thumb is bleeding.

2004-07-09T04:33:28Z

i sat and watched "True Life: Dealing with High school" or whatever it was to be called and it made me think i am not original. everyone goes through the same things. and i am a repeating number pattern. preferably 0110110110.
Man no longer possesses instincts. nor did we in the first place. everything happened by chance or trial and error. Think of young animals in the wild. they may find themselves straying away, but still able to survive. then think of young babies. they are helpless and dependent. no instinct or will to survive. She argued that there is maternal instinct but that is merely human nature. Maternal 'instinct' is found all over nature because nearly every mother takes care of their child at some point. others argued to love and to cry and to learn and to duck for cover when something is coming toward you at a fast paced speed, are all instincts. These are all either action/reaction reflexes, or emotions. They are correct in the sense that yes, one cannot be told to love something, then feel that way. but it is part of our human nature to love. it is what we strive for. to love and be loved in return. it is not an instinct. we live in a world dependent upon communication. even with man actually surviving, it was by chance, as many things are. there were then groups of us and we learned by observation then applying that knowledge. Whatever instincts we did possess have been repressed into not even existing which is easily obtained since they were barely there to begin with. There are too many things to read, people to watch, and voice to listen to, to possess any instincts. we are not to be alone. therefore, we do not find out anything on our own. will to survive is no instinct. it is called life. and wanting to keep it.
when i am with him i don't think of it as often as when i am not with him. it is so wonderful to have someone just... get you. i can't believe how i was and what i am.
i really like the band Bush. I found an old cassette and popped it into the ol' amazing cutlass sierra's tape player and found bush to just be. god. chirst. sigh.

my knees.

2004-06-30T02:20:27Z

she looked around her. they said there was something about her, but it had soon faded. so empty. being in the wrong is nearly almost devastating. she had something to say but a 9 am to 5 pm shift is never friendly when one has had a late night. all you need to know is how to hold a rag and scrub a floor. i just need my ears pierced but mother says there are too many things on her mind. god forbid looking becoming at your high school reunion. those white, pasty legs surely won't do the trick for that white skirt. tragic.

wishes are prayers.

'time out' in spanish is "tiempo fuera"

where did the time go - by The Innocence Mission

i work a lot. and i am okay with this.

all your graces...

i am just unsure...

2004-06-29T01:20:50Z

perhaps i am just better this way.

through typing.

i am just not sure.

maybe. but. tonight we shall see.

i miss you so far.